so many gems in this piece.

And make no mistake, I hate war. Sure, all the people responsible for the millions of deaths get tormented with Ben Shapiro’s audiobook version of Lolita on full volume for all of time. But you know what happens to the millions of innocent people? They go UP, not DOWN.

Donald Trump is refusing to pay Rudy Giuliani’s legal fees? I mean, I’m not surprised. But still, that’s low. I may be the Devil, but even I hold up my end of a bargain. If you make a pact with me to get dashing good looks for the rest of your life while a portrait you keep in the attic gruesomely decays, I will deliver.

Claiming a Presidential election is rigged but that the down-ballot races somehow aren’t rigged, is evil, sure, but it’s also unbelievably dumb. Even for me. And I invented pretending to fart.

Even I, Satan, Am Appalled at the State of the Republican Party


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